can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
