I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
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I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
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I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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