In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
