I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
