She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
