I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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