is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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