maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.