I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.