So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
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she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
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And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.