she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.