Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
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Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.