i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.