i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
