Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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