If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
