he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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