My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
