By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
