I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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