My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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