Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
you never un-have a 4some
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
