My first STD was from a foam party
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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