I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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