He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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