so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
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Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
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the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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