ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize