you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
