Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
