i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
