the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
