Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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