when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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