I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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