I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
