just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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