Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
