anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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