Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
