big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
