she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
