i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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