you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
