Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
