9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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