when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
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well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
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Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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