I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
