it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
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Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
FUCK WHALES
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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