i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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