You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
