ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i was born a porn star she said
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
