I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
