make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
