Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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