ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
