oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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