dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
organizing the empties. That sober.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
