you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You need Xanax blowdarts
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
