if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
