Christians are straight up FREAKS
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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