I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
