you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Vodka?
Forever.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
false alarm, still single
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
