Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
